Sather

Introduction

You look up from your book at the coffee shop and become paralyzed with nervous anticipation as you see the hot guy youve been smitten with from afar sit down at the table across the room. Hes alone today and what a great opportunity it would be to finally approach him and introduce yourself. But the anxiety is mounting as you visualize yourself doing this and you bury yourself back in your book. You feel your face burning as you berate yourself for not having the guts to make yourself known. Hed never be interested in me! Id just die if he rejected me! And what if he did show some interest? What would I say? Hed think Im a complete idiot and loser the second Id open my mouth! These thoughts swirl through your mind as you look up to find another guy has swooped in for the kill and has been invited to sit at the table with the object of your desire. Another missed opportunity!

If youre a shy guy, and dont want to be, dating can be a frustrating and daunting experience. When youre out and about, it looks so easy for other guys to approach and cozy up to other men. Or if you do have advances made toward you, you just want to kick yourself when you freeze up and dont know what to say and feel like youve made a bad impression and scare him off.

This article will shed some light on the symptoms and psychology behind shyness and offer some suggestions for breaking free of its chains that hold you back from experiencing a satisfying social and dating life.

What Its Like For The Shy Guy

Shyness ranges on a continuum from situational to dispositional. Some people tend to be socially inhibited in just certain types of settings or circumstances, whereas for other people this anxiety tends to be more of a personality trait that is a predominant way of life, manifesting itself in many different types of scenarios across the board. Shy guys tend to be more introverted, preferring more solitary activities to their extroverted counterparts, who tend to like to recharge their batteries through social contact. Neither is better or worse than the other, though society does tend to favor the more outgoing personality-type and stigmatizes the more quiet, internal individuals. The more important aspect here is whether or not any negative consequences are experienced as a result of ones particular leanings.

Although there are exceptions, generally speaking many shy guys tend to feel uncomfortable in social situations and dislike having attention called to themselves. This anxiety can be translated into stumbling on their words/stuttering, becoming easily embarrassed, and showing many physical signs of being nervous. They tend to feel judged by others and are highly sensitive to the opinions of others, wanting to avoid any type of criticism or rejection. They can feel inhibited, self-conscious, have a difficult time relaxing, and are very internal and self-focused in the sense that they are very preoccupied with their own thoughts, feelings, and physical reactions. They have a difficult time meeting people, struggle with initiating and maintaining conversations, dread group interactions, and can have a hard time standing up for themselves and voicing their opinions and needs. Unfortunately, many people can misinterpret a shy guys behavior as his being snooty, stuck-up, arrogant, or aloof and cold when thats really not the case at all.

Shy guys often times shine when they are in settings where they feel safe or are around people they know well. They also often perform well in structured situations where the players interact in scripted-like roles where theres little need for spontaneity or mingling without a purpose. Positively speaking, shy individuals tend to be very creative and have great imaginations that can lend themselves remarkably well to relationships and situations of leadership and change. Their biggest culprit is the negative self-talk in their heads that minimize their competence and value; if this obstacle could be removed, their quality of life would boost to a much higher level.

Why So Shy?

Most psychological experts believe that shyness is a learned behavior or a reaction to a negative event that inhibits the person. For example, if you were raised in a family where you were made to feel less than, your shyness could have developed out of a belief that you were only worthwhile if you lived up to certain expectations, so you became more inhibited and stifled as a result. If you lived with others who were shy or emotionally identified with an attachment figure who was shy, you may have observed and modeled that behavior yourself and it became a part of you. Negative experiences or being the victim of a trauma could also contribute to the development of shyness.

Growing up gay doesnt help the shy guy much either. Living in the closet and trying to cope with being different in a homophobic society could have inhibited you even more, amplifying the effects of shyness. Having been a shy guy myself, feeling more comfortable with my sexual identity and coming-out helped me tremendously in breaking out of my shell and becoming more socially confident as I was finally able to be the real me and let loose without the fear of scrutiny. Where does your shyness stem from? Try to understand the origins of your shyness by examining your attitudes and past experiences more closely.

Battle Strategies For Overcoming Shyness

Conquering the shyness beast is not a quick-fix, so its important to go slow, pace yourself, and take small steps toward your goals. From my own personal experience and from my work as a therapist and coach with clients, the following are some practical coping tools for taking some steps toward overcoming shyness for those guys who dont want to be held back any further from realizing and living their visions for fulfilling social and dating experiences.

* Become educated in anxiety management strategies. Learn relaxation techniques that will help you cope more effectively with nervousness so you dont keep succumbing to the power of your physical reactions.

* Develop a contract with yourself or a close friend/family member detailing an action plan for how you intend to conquer your shyness problem. Schedule times every week that will stretch you out of your comfort zone and put yourself in social situations where you can practice becoming more confident and savvy. Learn about systematic desensitization to help gradually expose yourself to anxiety-provoking situations.

* If throwing yourself into a social scene is too overwhelming to start with, start slower by taking an acting class or joining a public speaking meeting like Toastmasters. These venues are excellent places to teach you valuable social skills in a structured, safe, setting that will give you the practice you need to feel more self-assured. Theyre great for building your confidence and self-esteem too and you can make some great new friends! When youre ready, try the structured Speed Dating craze as a segue to experimenting in the dating world. For now, dont attach any investment in outcome. Use the more non-threatening parts of your world as your practice laboratory. In time, youll develop more of a sense of mastery and comfort in your own skin.

* Learn communication and active listening skills that will assist you in having conversations with others. Be mindful of your body language and how you carry yourself too. If you need to, plan ahead and make a list of topics you can talk about at a social gathering or event, but dont be rehearsed.

* Picture yourself as youd like to be and visualize this on a regular basis to rehearse and internalize this more socially sophisticated you. Role-play with a trusted friend. Create a collage with pictures, words, and symbols that represent the image of the new you and keep it posted in a place where you see it every day to keep centered and motivated on where youre headed.

* Break out of the self-absorption trap by transferring the focus to helping others. Channel the energies that reinforced your shyness into rewarding activities that will benefit others in some way. Paradoxically, youll be helping yourself too!

* Most importantly, challenge the negative thoughts that go through your head. These feed your insecurity and breed shyness. Learn about cognitive distortions and learn how to talk back to self-defeating thoughts that sabotage you. Look at situations realistically and substitute those toxic thoughts with more affirming ones that will empower you to see and act like the great guy that you are.

* Read as many books and workbooks on shyness and social anxiety as you can. Enlist the help of a therapist or coach to go through them with you to help you generalize your learning to the places where it counts most.

Conclusion

Realize, shy guys, that the more you run from and avoid your anxiety-provoking situations, the more strengthened and reinforced your shyness gets. The key is to stop giving away your personal power to others (in what you perceive of them thinking of you) and learn to become more assertive. Stand up for yourself, take charge of your life, and dont stay home another Friday night alone in front of the TV. Get out there and make your dreams come true! You have a lot to contribute and give, but you must realize this first and take proactive steps to making your vision a reality.

And a special note to all you single, extroverted, outgoing, non-shy guys.

Dont be so quick to dismiss a guy just because hes a little quiet or reserved. Shy guys can very easily get lost in the crowd and get overlooked by the more colorful, sociable men that tend to draw the attention in social circles. Never underestimate the power and value of a shy guy. He is very creative, passionate, loyal, and caring. Sometimes he might need a little extra encouragement or reassurance, but hes loving and hes got your back and he can add a lot of meaning to your life. So never turn a blind eye, because shy guys make good boyfriends too. And who knows, he could even turn out to be your life partner.

2007 Brian Rzepczynski

Brian Rzepczynski, Certified Personal Life Coach, is The Gay Love Coach: "I work with gay men who are ready to create a roadmap that will lead them to find and build a lasting partnership with Mr. Right." To sign up for the FREE Gay Love Coach Newsletter filled with dating and relationship tips and skills for gay singles and couples, as well as to check out current coaching groups, programs, teleclasses, and the self-help book he co-authored, "A Guide to Getting It: Purpose & Passion," please visit http://www.TheGayLoveCoach.com Thank you!

Hatha Yoga contains many aspects which can be useful for mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual health of the practitioner, but most students are concerned with the physical body.

Many students enter their first Yoga class with a specific pre-existing condition. It could be stress, back pain, recovering from a stroke, a neurological disorder, or any other health condition, which finally drove them to enter a Yoga studio.

In some cases, Yoga teachers wish people would become pro-active about their health much sooner in life. Yet, many physicians I speak with say the same thing. Decades of neglect, due to negligence of health, are difficult to undo.

This is not meant to place the blame on the client, student, or patient, for a health condition. Some health conditions are difficult to suppress, due to genetic factors. People cannot simply change their genetic make up, but they can turn poor habits into pro-active good health habits.

For example: John quits smoking and decides to replace his habit with walking and Yoga. My guess is John will live a decade or decades longer, in good health, because of his decision.

Now, lets get back to reality. If the average person quits smoking, he or she will replace this habit by eating more, and sitting on the couch for decades, until the body cannot take it any longer. The solution is to strategically replace poor health habits with good habits, which result in better quality life.

Many students enter their first Yoga class with a specific pre-existing condition. It could be stress, back pain, recovering from a stroke, a neurological disorder, or any other health condition, which finally drove them to enter a Yoga studio.

In the case of pain, why wait until pain is unmanageable? Many people go to their physician, or a Hatha Yoga class, because pain drove them to it. Overwork and a lack of awareness, with respect to health, can cause us grief for the rest of our lives.

Paul Jerard, E-RYT 500, has written many books on the subject of Yoga. He is a co-owner and the Director of Yoga Teacher Training at: Aura Wellness Center, in Attleboro, MA. http://www.riyoga.com He has been a certified Master Yoga Teacher since 1995. To receive a Free Yoga e-Book: "Yoga in Practice," and a Free Yoga Newsletter, please visit: http://www.yoga-teacher-training.org/index.html

Copyright 2007 Paul Jerard / Aura Publications

They had it even before we knew what was happening. My rod bowed in prayer to something below the tea-colored waters surface. The six-pound test line danced like a cat on a hot pavement. All hell had broken loose. Beads of sweat rolled down Doris' back. Her clothes were now a second skin, clinging to her every move. We panted for breath. We had fish on. The silvery oval-shaped body and red belly of a Piranha broke the surface. I reached for it. "Don't let a finger get near their mouths or you'll lose it", our native guide barked.

Minutes earlier, I shuddered from a breeze escaping from somewhere up ahead despite 85 degree-plus heat. The double-digit humidity didn't help either. A maddening buzz filled my ears, but thanks my coating of Vick's Vapor Rub, the blood-suckers wouldn't feast on me. My eyes burned. My nose dripped. A coffee-table-sized leaf or hanging branch slapped into me every few steps. Curses burst from my lips even with my best efforts to become as one with the rainforest, as the indian had.

Our fishing rods extended from 18" to five and a half feet. I'd hoped the light mono would suffice, although I'd squirreled away spools of twelve and twenty pound test as an afterthought. If we tagged into a 50-plus pound Tambaqui even that wouldnt be enough. Vines as thick as my wrist dipped into light coffee-colored waters making little ripples as it slid past roots and fallen branches. Tangled growth matted the gentle slope of the bank into tea-with-milk colored wetness. Id flicked a thumbnail-sized chunk of bloody chicken liver on a barb-less hook with a split shot into a dinner plate-sized swirl just beside a snarl of mangrove roots jutting upwards through the surface.

Minutes later, his tanned skin gleaming with moisture, our guide demonstrated the efficiency of the scissor-like teeth. A green leaf held near the gaping mouth instantly sported a neat, crescent-shaped bite. Three heavy blows to the head prepared the killer for cleaning. After cleaning, the Embera made a series of diagonal cuts along each side of the fish. Into these he carefully rubbed a mixture of salt, garlic, and ground roots from a small gourd he carried. A simple shaved branch frame held the fish over a smoky fire of glowing coals. The firm toasted flesh tasted smooth and a bit earthy, like a seasoned and mellowed catfish. With a wink and a sly nod towards Doris he said. Make these heads into soup and you will need many wives. She glanced at me with a puzzled look. I smiled.

The Perfect Killing Machine

The Amazon is filled with danger. Soldier ants march by the millions devouring all life in their path. Submerged up to the eyes, Crocodiles lie in wait for the unwary whatever or whoever that may be. Undulating its 20-foot length beneath the surface, the Anaconda, one of the worlds largest snakes, uses heat-seeking guidance to find its next meal. The barbed stinger in the tail of platter-sized stingrays can inflict a wound that takes months to heal. But none of these carry the fearsome mystique of the voracious Piranha. Ranging through South America from Brazil to the lowlands of Peru, they also inhabit waters in Venezuela, Guyana, Colombia, Ecuador and Bolivia. In the Amazon and Rio Negro rivers of Brazil and the Orinoco River in Venezuela, no creature is safe from the Piranhas razor-sharp teeth and powerful jaws. The serrated teeth fit together like scissors, enabling Piranha to cut the flesh from their prey. Like a shark, a Piranhas teeth are replaceable, when one breaks off a new one grows in its place.

The Yagua Indians of Peru often use the sharp edges between the teeth of a Piranha jawbone to sharpen the point of their blowgun darts. A fish that is dying or swimming erratically will be quickly attacked by a large school. Piranha will also attack without warning to defend their eggs and territory. A wounded animal that strays into the water will be stripped to the bone so quickly it seems almost to dance on the surface as its ravaged from beneath. A bird that falls into the water will be gone, feathers and all, in three minutes or less. A trapped fish struggling in a net will be chewed clean to the head in a matter of seconds. Attacks on large animals and humans are often dramatically portrayed, but are rare. In some regions Piranha are known as "donkey castrators".

"They will rend and devour alive any wounded man or beast. U.S. President Teddy Roosevelt said, adding, Piranha are the most ferocious fish in the world." Piranha, also called Caribe or Piraya only furthered their fearsome mystique when Roosevelt encountered them during his exploits in 1914. There are about 35 known species of Piranha but only five species represent a danger to man. Species range from the Red-Belly Piranha (Pygocentrus nattereri) with its characteristic red belly to the largest of the carnivorous species, the Black Piranha with its demon-red eyes and a 17 and a half inch long dark body weighing up to ten pounds. It could remove a mans hand in two or three bites.

Most species dine on fruit or seeds that fall into the water from overhanging trees. The fish are not always aggressive. Women wash clothes in knee-deep water where men spearfish while children bathe or swim in these same Piranha-infested waters without harm. Further adding to the Piranhas mystique, Indian men with half a dozen wives and up to a score of children attribute their potency to Piranha-head soup, although no scientific justification for the soups potency yet exists.

Fishing for Piranha

Piranhas are usually part of indigenous peoples diet in the areas where the fish are found. All you need to go Piranha fishing are lines with a metal leader next to the hook so the fish doesn't bite through the line, a supply of red, raw meat (worms or cut-up fish will do too) and a bit of luck. Piranha swim in large schools and are attracted by movement and blood. In May of 1999, hundreds of anglers armed with rods, reels, and raw steak flocked to the Brazilian town of Aracatuba near Sao Paolo for a one-Sunday piranha fishing tournament. The townspeople had declared open season on the flesh-eating fish, which had decimated other species in the local river. The prize for the tournament was an outboard motor. But most fishermen were content to go home with plenty of the reputedly aphrodisiac piranha, claimed then town spokesman Nelson Custidio.

Piranha, earning their notorious reputation by reportedly killing 1,200 head of cattle every year in Brazil, is some of the best eating in South America. Whatever name you call them and no matter where you try them, when cooked in a variety of ways, their firm light flesh with its smooth, slightly nutty flavor, is a taste youre sure to enjoy.

Larry M. Lynch is a writer and photographer specializing in business, travel, food and education-related writing in South America. His work has appeared in Transitions Abroad, South American Explorer, Escape From America, Mexico News and Brazil magazines in print and online. He travels researching articles throughout Latin America and teaches at a university in Cali, Colombia. To get original, exclusive articles and content for your newsletter, blog or website, contact him at: lynchlarrym@gmail.com

Out of 75,000 auditionees only five remain and are just a few short weeks from winning the biggest talent competition in the UK and securing a life changing record contract. After simultaneously laughing and cringing at some of the truly awful auditions and whittling down some of the finalists only there to make up the numbers, the competition is starting to get serious.

If you are not familiar with the "X-Factor", the premise is simple. Each week all the contestants perform a song live with the television audience voting for who they want to keep in the competition. The two singers with the lowest number of votes have to perform their song again before the judges decide which one lives to fight another day and which one has to go home and back to the day job.

The main hotbed of talent this year has come in the "Over 25s" category, with three of the four original singers making up the final five contestants, proving that the great British public are not just interested in teenage pretty boys who struggle to hold a note. It would have been all four if judge Louis Walsh hadn't cruelly voted to send home the talented Maria Lawson in favour of the dire Conway Sisters who also hail from his native Ireland.

The viewers vote is not the only way you can get involved as there are also plenty of betting opportunities to get stuck into. Here is a look at the final five contestants and predictions on who ultimately has that "X Factor".

Shayne Ward
Odds: 10/11

The only remaining contestant from the 16-24 category. Shayne has been the bookmaker's favourite and hotly tipped by the media to win the competition since his confirmation as one of 12 finalists. However, it's not always that simple. Last year's rocker-by-numbers Tabby was favourite all the way until he eventually finished third and has since disappeared without trace.

Shayne is a sort of poor man's Justin Timberlake. His fondness for hitting the high notes during live performances and his shuffling across the stage is wearing a bit thin. He peaked too early and his rendition of Daniel Bedingfield's "If You're Not The One" on October 22 has not being matched since.

Whether or not he is as good as some of the other finalists makes no difference as he has that all important "teen appeal". It has been suggested in the press that the singer, 21, may have a record deal lined up in any case regardless of whether he wins the competition or not.

Andy Abraham
Odds: 9/4

The show's underdog and the contestant with the most romantic tale of the X Factor to date. Andy works as a dustman in order to support his family and has only been singing on the local pub and club circuit for the last few years.

He is arguably the most talented singer left in the competition and has wowed audiences with his smooth and soulful voice with perfect renditions of "The Greatest Love of All", "Unforgettable" and "Me and Mrs Jones".

If this had been last year then Andy would win the competition hands down, but two words are likely to prevent him succeeding this time around Steve Brookstein. Last year, with a similar heart-warming story to tell, Brookstein revealed he had been trying unsuccessfully to crack the business for years and the X Factor was realistically his last chance of making it as a professional singer.

He beat novelty operatic quartet G4 to win the competition and had a hit record but has since sunk into obscurity. X Factor supremo Simon Cowell is keen to avoid a repeat of last time which will surely scupper Andy's chances of success. Which is a shame.

Journey South
Odds: 3/1

In what was a very weak "Groups" category, Journey South are the only performers with any real substance. The two brothers from Middlesbrough gave up their day jobs five years ago to make the journey south (geddit?) to London in a bid to find wealth, fame and glory.

Brothers Carl and Andy have been the "steady eddies" of the competition so far, putting in solid performances of "Desperado", "Livin' On A Prayer" and "Angels" among others, proving week in, week out, they are genuinely good live singers.

The duo have a cross-generational appeal which puts them in a stronger position overall than say, Shayne or Andy, and this could be the edge they need to win the competition outright.

Brenda Edwards
Odds: 11/2

The only woman left in the competition after Simon Cowell voted out his own act, The Conway Sisters, on November 26. Brenda has grown in popularity as the weeks have progressed and has proved there is more to her than performing motown hits with a sparkling rendition of weepy classic "I Will Always Love You".

There's not a lot to say about Brenda. Yes, she has talent, but does she have that "X Factor" that would elevate her from being a "good singer" to a best selling recording artist?

Simon Cowell is not entirely convinced and while he acknowledges her vocal ability, doubts she could "sell a million records" and I tend to agree.

Chico Slimani
Odds: 25/1

With every mass talent search, the inevitable "novelty act" surfaces. However, Chico has taken this to an entirely new level and his 15 minutes of fame looks set to last a lot longer.

The former goat herder, bodybuilder, hairdresser and goodness knows what else has scraped his way into the final five and has even performed his own instantly forgettable single "It's Chico Time", out of tune, naturally, which is bound to be inflicted onto the buying public in time for Christmas.

The joke became unfunny weeks ago, so why does mentor Sharon Osbourne persist with the wafer thin argument that he's a "great entertainer"? Surely his "appeal" is only appreciated by 50-something women who shriek manically from their front seat at a Chippendale's show making it clear they can supply their own baby oil? Oh.

The rank outsider to win the competition, Chico's time on the X Factor is drawing to a close, although a lucrative career as a professional Reality TV personality awaits. Good grief.

Summary

Shayne does not represent good value to win the competition at odds on, especially if a recording contract is already a done deal. With every glittering performance Andy makes, the name of Steve Brookstein must be echoing in the judges minds while I don't believe Brenda and certainly not Chico have what it takes to win. That just leaves Journey South, the talented duo from Middlesbrough, who could well become Simon Cowell's second winning act in as many series of the X Factor and at a good price too.

David Walker runs soccer betting and free bets websites. A free email course: "Seven Days to Better Betting" is available at both of these websites.

If your birth date falls in the range of December 22nd through January 20th, you were born under the sun sign of Capricorn the Goat. You probably know your Horoscope, but did you know that Numerology shows us a particular behavior for Capricorn based on your specific Date of Birth? We can find out this modifier by calculating your Birth Day number.

Birth Day Calculation

Your Birthday number is the date of the month you were born on, reduced to a single digit by fadic addition. For example, actor Orlando Bloom was born on January 13th, 1977, so his Birthday number is (4) as shown below.

Birthday = (Day part of your birth date) = (13) = (1 + 3) = (4)

The Birth Day number values, and their affects on your Capricorn Horoscope are shown below.

Birth Day (1) - Social Climber

You want to climb the social ladder, but you don't want people to notice how hard you work at it. Learn to be less sensitive to catty comments about your actions.

Birth Day (2) - Quality

You maintain quality in your work without being a perfectionist. You also have great loyalty to the people you work with.

Birth Day (3) - Know it All

You know that you're always right when it comes to how something should be done. If people want to argue with you, that's their problem.

Birth Day (4) - Slave-Driver

As a supervisor, you tend to over-work the people under you. You may get them to be productive, but they will hate you for it.

Birth Day (5) - Good Organizer

You are a wizard when it comes to organizing projects and getting people to succeed. Try to find an outlet for this talent so it won't go to waste.

Birth Day (6) - Cautious

You tend to be overly cautious when it comes to making decisions; live a little. You also are extremely honest when it comes to dealing with people.

Birth Day (7) - Resentful

You tend to hold on to your anger for a very long time. Try to be less resentful of people who hurt you or make you mad; the universe will reward your forgiveness.

Birth Day (8) - Dutiful

You have a strong respect for authority, and take matters of duty and honor very seriously. You would never think of defying someone in charge.

Birth Day (9) - Saving Face

you are terrified of losing face and making a fool of yourself. You will go to any length to avoid situations where people might laugh at you.

Keith Abbott is the developer and owner of 'Numerology 4 You' where you can order your own Numerology reading, including your Yantra Magic Square chart. Visit him on the web today at http://www.numerology4you.com